Barbara Sadler: What Should I Do Before Filing for Divorce?

Entering marriage may be the most important decision a person will ever make. Not only are you making the commitment to spend the rest of your life with your partner, you are also opening yourself to sharing financial responsibilities, raising a family and owning property. Most sensible people take the time to weigh the pros and cons of whether to get married. However, not enough people weigh those same options when it comes to ending a marriage. By the time most people consider filing for divorce in Utah, they have already beaten down by stress and may not be in the proper frame of mind to ask themselves these important questions. It is often one of the biggest mistakes many people make. One of the best solutions is to first seek input from a mediator, a marriage counselor or a Salt Lake City divorce lawyer to properly evaluate whether divorce is the best option.

VOICE YOUR CONCERNS

Communication is an important component in any successful relationship. But not every marriage is built to last. There will be times when even the strongest relationships will begin to go through rough patches. It is vital to maintain a good level of communication. Do not be afraid to voice your concerns to your partner. But simply voicing your concerns is not enough. Effective communication also involves listening to your spouse. Be cognizant of their feelings and problems. One common scenario is when one spouse feels underappreciated by the other. Take the time to listen to your partner and engage in constructive dialogue. If neither person is capable of having a civil conversation, it may be time to dissolve the marriage and file for divorce.

WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS?

Nobody gets married with the goal of eventually getting divorced. Most couples go through a honeymoon period early in their marriage. During this time, life couldn’t be better. However, not everybody enters marriage with the same expectations. Some people have no clue how their partner expects them to behave. If your expectations are way beyond those of your partner, there are two options. You can either try to work out a compromise or may decide to go your separate ways.

CAN YOUR MARRIAGE BE SAVED?

When a marriage goes bad, it can seem overwhelming. Many people simply give up. But if you truly love your spouse, it may be worth trying to work things out. Take the time to write down a list of things you need to do to save the marriage. After the list is completed, write down what your spouse needs to do. Then ask your partner to make the same list.

IS YOUR LIFE BETTER WITHOUT YOUR PARTNER?

Marriages fall apart for different reasons. Some couples break up in less than one year. Others stay married for decades before finally calling quits. Regardless of how long you have been married, there is one fundamental question that needs to be asked. Would your life be better without your spouse? It’s not an easy question. No matter how many times you consult with a divorce attorney, only you can decide.

KEEPING YOUR COOL DURING DIVORCE

Every divorce has different circumstances, but the emotional toll of the process is something that will be felt by everyone. This can lead to tempers flaring, angry outbursts, feeling lost, depression or any number of strong feelings that may cloud your ability to keep a level head throughout the long and arduous litigation. It is very important that you don’t let raw emotion lead you into doing something rash that may hurt your side in court, and here are a few things to remember about keeping your composure at the toughest of times.

KEEP A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

A divorce is one the most stressful situations in a person’s life, and it can be very difficult to remain positive. Marriages require the mutual agreement of two people, but it only takes one to decide they want a divorce. This can be particularly hard if you were not the one to make this choice, and with all of the destructive stereotypes associated with divorce, it is easy to become bogged down in all of that negativity.

Maintaining an optimistic perspective may sound cliché, but it is key to getting through the process. It is important to remember that everyone has their faults and it is not singularly you or your spouse alone that caused the end of the marriage. Consider the divorce as a life lesson, not a synonym for failure, and know that it is possible to move forward with dignity and still find happiness.

Many feel like getting the divorce finalized as soon as possible, regardless of any long-term sacrifices they make in doing so, is the only way to move forward with their life. Focusing on the new and exciting aspects of getting a fresh start to life instead of dwelling on the past is one of the hardest, but most important steps in seeing things through a positive light.

THE SCAPEGOAT

During the divorce proceedings, it will often feel easier to roll over and agree with whatever terms the opposing party is putting forward instead of getting in a bitter argument over details that aren’t in your favor. This attitude can lead to blindly signing unfair terms, purely to avoid confrontation.
Most attorneys will have no problem being the “bad guy” particularly in the tougher aspects of the divorce, such as settlement negotiations. They are there to be an advocate for you and get the best arrangement possible, but they cannot do their job if you simply sign agreements to avoid hostility.

THERAPISTS FOR DIVORCE

Meeting regularly with a professional therapist can be a very beneficial way to help regain confidence and find a positive direction, despite the common societal view held by men that opening up about your emotions is an embarrassing sign of weakness.

While seeking a professional can be very beneficial for dealing with the stress and emotional toll of divorce, take into consideration that it can help or hurt your divorce proceedings depending on where you live. Therapists’ records are discoverable in some states, meaning they could be detrimental or embarrassing depending on what was discussed if they are brought up in court. Attorneys can also recommend seeking a professional counselor in situations where their client has been accused of emotional or psychological abuse to show the court they are working on the problem. Either way, it is probably best to ask your attorney’s advice before seeking out a therapist to ensure it doesn’t hurt your case.

Keeping cool during the divorce and maintaining an optimistic outlook is very important for getting through, and beyond, the proceedings. It may feel crushingly oppressive at times, but the world will continue to turn, there is still plenty to enjoy and much greater happiness to find. Keeping control of your emotions instead of giving in to reckless action will help you avoid unnecessary problems and have a better perspective after everything is over.

Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah

If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law at (801) 676-5506. We will fight for you.